Living Archetypes

I've written a lot about my interest in astrology here at Eclectic Recovery. My slow, steady, study of astrology is how myth came alive in my imagination and myth taught me about archetypal forces much larger than myself acting in and through me. Getting past the typical western mindset about astrology was the entrance into an infinite world of possibilities; possibilities like grabbing the coattails of an archetype I'd never considered before, or deciding to manifest different attributes of the same overriding energy. The manifestation of an archetype allows an unlimited variety of choices in how to respond. The energy can always be lifted.

Alcoholic/Addict is an archetype I have manifested most of my life. Addict is a universal archetype and everyone manifests it in different areas and to different degrees. It's quite unfortunately been a life-defining archetype for me and one I sunk into for long periods of time, trying desperately to find my way out and failing in motivation and commitment to making sobriety the number one priority in my life. And now I see clearly that I can move away from this archetype with one simple rule in my life: don't drink. It is the simplest of equations, a mere non-action. I can use my common sense, intuition and imagination to feel what archetypes call to me and how to encourage those energies within. The simple pleasures I feel around the earth, cooking, writing and my spiritual practice point to the archetypes of creatress, earth helper, friend, sister, and full active being as the ones that will guide me into the next phase of life, years which have the potential to be the richest ones yet.

In the past couple of months, the overriding archetypes in my life have been sobrietist, worker, lover, victim and novice gardener (my favorite). I was also visited by an archetype: Kali, destroyer goddess. And while she wasn't exactly invited, I'm going to need her in the coming months. She tore through my body like an all-consuming fire and left me trembling in awe. I have to do something I'm not looking forward to. I'm taking the owner of the motel to court. I don't want to write much about it and have taken other posts about that experience down temporarily, but this is something I feel I need to do and I am scared to freakin' death to do it! The only comfort I get is when I let go of the outcome and continue to focus on my spiritual path. I am not only responding to an infinitely creative universe, I am participating with it, and to be honest, I don't want to let it down. So while it may seem petty to some, or un-spiritual to others, I think we just have to fight for what is right from where we find ourselves - not where we wish we were.

I've gotten much good advice and many different viewpoints and I have considered the options. And I doubt, and I doubt, and I doubt, and still I will do it. I'm compelled to do it. Not only for me, but for the next person, you know? We don't serve each other by allowing someone to take advantage. We only make it possible for them to continue to do so and it's usually those with the least resources that are hurt. I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little tired of that.

Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Rain and Mist and Magick

Tiptoeing around the house since 4:30 am so as not to wake Roberta. It is rainy and windy and Montana has obviously not been informed that summer is officially here. I am mostly settled in to my new space and I have to admit that for a homeless person, I ain't doing so badly.

As lucky and wealthy as I am I see it everywhere: the injustice. The same old scenario that we humans have been acting out for centuries - I must have more than you. I will have more than you. You are less than me. It makes me weary; I romanticize alcohol because when I drink I don't have to think about it anymore. But alcohol has become too painful an escape, as painful for those who love me as it is for me. As I remain sober, I must face these injustices. I must travel through the murky water to find the sparkling pool of clarity and then the courage to act on it. I must not bury my head in the bottle, or the boyfriend, or the chocolate cake . Too easy.

For those unable to face themselves, hard times are coming. Well, actually, they're here, aren't they? And in the meantime I play catch up as fast as I can because I don't know how I know, or why I know, or why it took me so long to know - but I know I have a role to play and more than anything in the world I want to play it consciously. I follow the good energy and I know it won't lead me astray.

I have an appointment for a 2nd opinion on my knee this morning and I look forward to the drive along the west shore of Flathead Lake in the rain and mist and magick. Have you taken time to look at the earth lately? To feel her trees and splash in her water and thank her for the life she provides for us? I believe she's had quite enough of our torture. Be sure and show her some real love today.

From Emmanuel's Book

Trust life, my friends.

However far afield

life seems to take you,

this trip is necessary.

Summer Solstice

The summer solstice is this weekend and it's also my father's birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad!

My medicine wheel journey will move to a new direction, south, on the solstice. I made some notes a while back about what I thought I would focus on during the south time, but damned if I know where they are or even what they were! It doesn't matter. I'm not running this show anyway. I'll spend some time in p & m (prayer and meditation) this week and it will come to me. I absolutely love following the seasons with my recovery.

A friend of mine is having a "burning" ceremony on Saturday and I can't think of a better way to celebrate being back in Polson and letting go of all the negativity I've endured in the past weeks. We have such a beautiful community there and I return with fresh eyes, grateful for all that it offers. And longing for a bit of peace - a respite, a healing space, love, nurturance. It's all there. It's all within me. It's all within you.

Your world is a place of the bending of the Light. But the light must be there or you have no world at all. ~ from Emmanuel's Book

Clarification and Knee Magic

Thanks to everyone who's left responses to my last post. Especially you, Miss Olivia. Who says O stands for Oprah??

I'm afraid I allowed my love of drama in writing to influence the language of my last post. I wrote: I am homeless. I am virtually broke and I have no health insurance. Well, I'm not really homeless. The other part? The broke and no health insurance part? That's true, but so are a lot of other people and at this time, in our country, starting at $0 may not be such a bad place. I would be homeless if it weren't for my family and friends in Georgia and my community in Polson. You can't buy that with all the $$ in the world.

In the meantime, I've got some standing up to do. Finally. Some standing up for myelf, declaring my place in this crazy world and then letting it all go. Do ya'll get that's how it works? You have to be willing to let it all go. Good thing I've got lots of practice!!

I hasn't escaped my notice that in my recovery each time I come back to my intention for the first direction of the medicine wheel, the East, which is self-care, the universe moves into motion for me. I committed to not drinking and to focusing on my physical health and my physical health, with my knee, is playing a huge part in this hilarious samsara. Source - he/she/it really does have a sense of humor.

Goddess Rock

I found this rock on the shores of Flathead Lake one afternoon on a much needed break from the Sunrise Vista Inn. Now, I don't know if you believe in signs, portents or messages from some other beyond. I don't know if I do either. But in my heart, I'm beginning to wonder. At the very least I have decided to heed the messages regardless where they may or may not come from. They seem to have my best interests as a top priority; something that has eluded my own sincere efforts for quite some time now.

Clear sight can come as a great shock. I have been shown so much in the past few weeks that I can hardly keep up. I found myself embroiled in a situation over which the more control I exerted the worse it seemed to become. God. It was all so confusing and twisted and muddy. Much of it still is and I'm sure only our dear friend time can begin to unravel the mysteries inherent in our human nature and the behavior it produces.

A few things, however, have become perfectly clear. Those are the ones I'm heeding. And I breathe. Deeply. A lot. The owners of the Sunrise Vista Inn cancelled our contract on Monday morning. I did not see that coming until the very last minute. Their words are ones of regret and sympathy and I think they want to be well-meaning, but their actions speak otherwise. I am moving, again, by the 18th of June. This will be my third move in a year.

About the time I found that beautiful goddess rock, a little lump began to form just above one of the scars left from last year's knee surgery. It continued to grow and became pretty painful. I went to the doctor on Monday and they recommend another surgery to figure out exactly what's going on. I did not see that coming until the very last minute. I am homeless. I am virtually broke and I have no health insurance. Those are just the facts, ma'am.

I held it together in the doctor's office, determined to put on a strong and courageous face. When I got to my car I let the tears come, panic rolling over me in wave after wave. Then, a few minutes of calm. Then more panic. I got on the phone. Have you ever heard the term drink and dial? It's a term for those of us who would occassionally (yes, that is meant sarcastically) have too much to drink and decide we needed to call anyone and everyone who might talk with us no matter the time of day or night or what in the world might be going on in their lives at the time!That's what you have to do to stay sober, too. Only leave off the drink part.

Even in the midst of the panic I felt, I knew that forces were in motion that were guiding me, protecting me and loving me and gently leading me forward. I observed myself attempting to go into self-pity and guilt and blame, but those things just don't feel that comfortable anymore. I realized that I am actually very simple. I want to be in a community where I feel nurtured and needed; I want to tend to the earth in whatever small way I can; I want to write my heart and my experience. I want to begin to fully participate in all the kindnesses that come my way and there are many.

Here are some random pictures from this little short-lived adventure which I will leave with clear sight and grounded emotions:

Just the Facts, Ma'am.

Tomorrow I will have four months without alcohol. The job at the Sunrise Vista Inn is over and I am beginning packing to move. I am going to have to have a re-do on my knee surgery of last year. I am breathing. I am breathing. I am breathing. In and out. In. And. Out.

Universe, I am wide awake and at your service.

Earth Religion

I'm finding that as long as I keep in close connection with the earth, I'll be okay. I'm beginning to see the benefits of this job in an entirely new way. It's been unusually slow to really warm up here and it shows in the business. I've had a guest here and there, but I've had plenty of time to keep playing in the dirt, become acquainted with the most incredible rock that lives in my front yard (which you see to the left), plant flowers and vegetables and generally immerse myelf in earth energy.

I'm thinking of composting. It may be a little adventurous for a complete novice, but I'm just playing anyway. I think that's what we're supposed to do. I like the composting metaphor for life: Rotten, decaying material, given just the right sun and water and oxygen to be transformed into rich, moist fertilizer that renews the earth and her plants. I feel myself composting - allowing nature to alchemize all the negativity and neuroses and okay, if you want, character defects, into the very essence of all life. And all I have to do is allow it - play in a way that nourishes the earth and all her inhabitants. Remember my purpose and stay out of the negative dramas that others are going through as much as possible without totally disengaging. I see my own shadow and she still wants to play, but I find I'm really not interested. It's so bright and beautiful in the light.

Distracting Wind

The weather has turned cool again and it's a bitter wind blowing. My bones are cold. I feel I am so far behind in this game of life; I have so much catching up to do.

Distractions. Drama. I have a limited amount of energy. Where do I want to spend it?

No guests at the Inn. No human ones anyway.