Monday, June 22, 2009

Rain and Mist and Magick

Tiptoeing around the house since 4:30 am so as not to wake Roberta. It is rainy and windy and Montana has obviously not been informed that summer is officially here. I am mostly settled in to my new space and I have to admit that for a homeless person, I ain't doing so badly.

As lucky and wealthy as I am I see it everywhere: the injustice. The same old scenario that we humans have been acting out for centuries - I must have more than you. I will have more than you. You are less than me. It makes me weary; I romanticize alcohol because when I drink I don't have to think about it anymore. But alcohol has become too painful an escape, as painful for those who love me as it is for me. As I remain sober, I must face these injustices. I must travel through the murky water to find the sparkling pool of clarity and then the courage to act on it. I must not bury my head in the bottle, or the boyfriend, or the chocolate cake . Too easy.

For those unable to face themselves, hard times are coming. Well, actually, they're here, aren't they? And in the meantime I play catch up as fast as I can because I don't know how I know, or why I know, or why it took me so long to know - but I know I have a role to play and more than anything in the world I want to play it consciously. I follow the good energy and I know it won't lead me astray.

I have an appointment for a 2nd opinion on my knee this morning and I look forward to the drive along the west shore of Flathead Lake in the rain and mist and magick. Have you taken time to look at the earth lately? To feel her trees and splash in her water and thank her for the life she provides for us? I believe she's had quite enough of our torture. Be sure and show her some real love today.

5 comments:

Gin said...

Wonderful post. You are right, it is all too easy to bury ourselves in the things that take away the pain momentarily, although it is always there waiting for us in the end isn't it? I hope all goes well with your knee appt. this afternoon.

kikipotamus said...

Angela, it has been good to come here and catch up on some recent posts. Your equanimity in the face of losing a job and a home are so admirable. I resigned from my job today without another job waiting, something I have never done before. Now I don't know how soon I will be homeless or without health insurance...but you really inspire me to trust that it is all going to be okay.

Olivia said...

I am so glad that you have found a place to stay for now and that things are moving along. I can hear your peace of mind in your words and I celebrate this with you. Love, O

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