I met with the woman who's going to guide me through the process I mentioned in a previous post on Monday night. We spent three hours examining the beliefs that I've carried into my adult life, unexamined, from growing up in the south and in my family of origin. Some of them seemed really silly for me to even write. I felt like I'd left them long behind, but the truth is that when we began discussing them and how they'd manifested in my life, I began to realize I only thought I'd left them behind. Just to give you an idea, here are a few of the ones I listed:
Women are neurotic and hard to manage.
Money is scarce.
People are not to be trusted unless they're a member of the family or a person in authority - a doctor, judge, lawyer or the president, etc. Those people are to be trusted implicitly and with no questioning.
Your needs are not important, as a matter of fact you really don't have any.
Squash the symptom.
I had 33 of these written down and I'm sure I've barely scratched the surface. A couple of amazing things happened for me. The first was that as we were discussing these things I literally felt movement start up in my first chakra, the chakra of survival instincts, grounding and our connection to our bodies and the physical plane. It felt as though speaking these beliefs, letting them out, literally freed up energy that had been stuck there.
The second thing that happened is that I began to notice patterns. Patterns in the beliefs and correlations in patterns to the experiences I've had in my life. I believe this is what the 4th Step in AA is intended to do, but I never found the patterns by examaning my resentments, fears or sexual conduct. Obviously, other people do, but I didn't.
I was literally exhausted when I got home. I think this is going to be a profound healing process and will contribute to my overall wellness in ways I can only imagine. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.
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4 years ago
11 comments:
There is a profound difference in doing this work in your head and doing it in your body. Bravo to you for doing the work. More power to you (and all of us). You also reminded me that my beliefs are evident in my results, and I have done a lot of head work that hasn't touched my body yet. Blessings,
DC
Wow.. yes! I think we all carry around those old beliefs, even when we reword them somehow. It's amazing that you were able to articulate them that clearly.
You go, Angela.
Oh, and tag the meme.
Seven Random Things
I totally agree with Diva Carla -- doing this stuff in my head alone has never worked for me. There is something about the physical act of writing and speaking that just works like crazy...maybe that's why I tend to pray out loud -- or actually, I don't "tend" to, I always do. I get confused when I pray silently! :)
p.s. GO Angela!!!!!
"Your needs are not important, as a matter of fact you really don't have any."
I have some of the same beliefs you listed, but this one slammed into me. I'm dealing with this one right now, trying to convince a loved one that I do have needs and they are valid, now that I've finally figured out that is true.
Do you think it's necessary to have an outsider help you go through your beliefs, or do you think we (I) could do it ourselves?
We all have beliefs carried form childhood, handed to us by others. IT takes a courage to own that you have them. It is the beginning of freedom.I too was moved by how this became a body experienced for you, not just ideas in the head.
I find such inspiration in getting to hear of this journey you are on. We all follow different paths and yet to get to see another's rings light to our own.
Thanks everyone.
John, I will get to the tag, but it will probably be tomorrow. Thanks!
Sherri, I don't know the answer to that. I think it's really helpful, though, to have another person, for their insight. They may notice something we don't. Thinking of you, my sweet.
Ah, Angela! I know what you mean about a chakra opening up. Once during an intense stage of Jungian analysis I felt my kundalini uncoiling and I started to have very interesting physiological changes in the areas we were shaking up at the time. Had it not happened to me, I'm not sure I would believe it on hearing of it from another. VERY COOL journey you are on. Thank you SO MUCH for letting us in on it.
I've been visiting this blog for about two months because I seek alternative recovery discussion. AA really turns me off. At first you offered all kinds of helpful ideas:
food, meditation, activities, etc.
Lately however this whole blog seems so self-absorbed. Me, me, me, me, me.
And the responses are as if these people are vying for the chance to lick your feet. There's no recovery here anymore so I'm moving on. My partner is right, blog stands for "big load of grandiosity".
You are honest and brave!
And move on you should, person with no name.
Blogs are diaries, really, so the "me, me, me" thing you see is because (surprise) you are reading someone's journal. Sometimes what is cool (and what I hope for you) is that you find the support you might be looking for. Otherwise, there are plenty of "read and bash" comment sections out there for you too.
Angela, sounds like a cool journey. Thanks for sharing as always!
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