I met with the woman who's going to guide me through the process I mentioned in a previous post on Monday night. We spent three hours examining the beliefs that I've carried into my adult life, unexamined, from growing up in the south and in my family of origin. Some of them seemed really silly for me to even write. I felt like I'd left them long behind, but the truth is that when we began discussing them and how they'd manifested in my life, I began to realize I only thought I'd left them behind. Just to give you an idea, here are a few of the ones I listed:
Women are neurotic and hard to manage.
Money is scarce.
People are not to be trusted unless they're a member of the family or a person in authority - a doctor, judge, lawyer or the president, etc. Those people are to be trusted implicitly and with no questioning.
Your needs are not important, as a matter of fact you really don't have any.
Squash the symptom.
I had 33 of these written down and I'm sure I've barely scratched the surface. A couple of amazing things happened for me. The first was that as we were discussing these things I literally felt movement start up in my first chakra, the chakra of survival instincts, grounding and our connection to our bodies and the physical plane. It felt as though speaking these beliefs, letting them out, literally freed up energy that had been stuck there.
The second thing that happened is that I began to notice patterns. Patterns in the beliefs and correlations in patterns to the experiences I've had in my life. I believe this is what the 4th Step in AA is intended to do, but I never found the patterns by examaning my resentments, fears or sexual conduct. Obviously, other people do, but I didn't.
I was literally exhausted when I got home. I think this is going to be a profound healing process and will contribute to my overall wellness in ways I can only imagine. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.
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