Monday, November 5, 2007

Well, wasn't that fun?

As many of you who write your own blog know - a blog tends to be an organic process. While we have some general idea what we will write about when we start blogging, we may get sidetracked, or become interested in something else, or have significant life changes that send the blog in a different direction or just leave it hanging around the blogosphere like a lost child. This is my second blog; the first was about being single in a small town and the alternatively hilarious and horrifying events that came about due to that fact. Because being single gradually became something I embraced instead of something I wanted to change, and because I wanted my life to move in a different direction, I stopped writing that blog. Funny thing - no married men have hit on me since then.

When I began this blog I wanted to offer a different way to look at recovery. Because AA wasn't working for me and because I had long believed there were other valid and workable ways to do recovery, I wanted to share my process of exploring some of those ways. Also, the blog was/is a tool for me to sit down at the computer and write. . . my thoughts, my experiences, my beliefs. In that process, something magical always seems to happen. I tend to dive into things headfirst so I never stopped to think about the consequences of drinking while writing a recovery blog. Then I found myself in that very situation and it was a dilemma. I handled it the best way I could figure out.

If you've been following the comments you know that this has become a very public forum for some people (and I don't even know who some of them are) to express their displeasure with me. It has been very hurtful and I'm reeling from it, much more than I am from the last drink I took. For those of you who have been frequent readers and contributors, I'd like to apologize for the nastiness that has ensued.

I'm at a loss as to what to do now. I intended to write a post about the beautiful day I had - my first shortened work week. I went to yoga, had lunch with a dear friend and dinner with another, but the wind has been sucked right out of my sails tonight. Tonight I'm tired of trying to be spiritual and I'm tired of being nice and I'm sick and damned tired of people who think they know my heart.

To Ben, who assured me he wrote an "approving" post, albeit anonymously, I'd like to say not only do I not need your approval anymore, I no longer want it. Go feed off someone else.

To Whatalife I'd like to say, unless you feel like saying who you really are, go play somewhere else please.

To the rest of you I'd like to say, this won't get me down for long. I've been wanting to start a new blog about the business and entrepreneurship in general and I'm not sure I can keep up with both. Maybe it's time for this one to die a not so peaceful death.

16 comments:

Bruce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bruce said...

Hang in there honey!! You are a wonderful, supportive person. Remember what Einstein said, "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

jennifergg said...

Well, hey. I think Mae West said this: The only thing worse than being taked about is not being talked about."

Namaste, right?

claud said...

Amen, Angela. And peace.

lc

Olivia said...

I've enjoyed what you've written. I read the negative comments, and think that whenever you have a dogmatic system of any type you're going to get legalistic people that enjoy attacking others. Don't take them seriously and let them take the wind out of your sails, Angela. We regular readers enjoy and appreciate the valuable things you share in your blog. Peace, whatever you decide, and love, O

Journey Through Life said...

Dear Angela,

I have been thinking about you a lot today, saddened by some of the comments you have received, hoping you hadn’t taken them to heart and reminded yet again, of how important it is for us to not to force our opinions and beliefs onto others.

I so admire the journey that you are on, Angela. The road less travelled. I know that road well. And I know how hurtful it is for others to assume what is right for you and to tell you that their way is the only right way. In a world of such diversity, such a thing is just not possible.

Obviously you need to do what is right for you, but on a purely selfish note, I hope you continue your blog! The addition of your words to my daily reading has been blessing. The path you are on is inspiring. I honestly believe that you could pioneer a new way, or perhaps simply an additional way, of dealing with alcohol addiction that would be so beneficial to so many.

There is much more I could say here, but it is not important. What is important is what you feel and believe and what you know is right for you. You are on a conscientious, soulful journey and you will continue to find new personal Truths, just as you know what your current Truth is right now. You have my admiration and support.

In love and blogger friendship,
Annie
xxx

Angela said...

Thanks, everyone. Points all taken.

Anonymous said...

What you are doing is way too important to fold up your wings and quietly retire just because of a few rather nasty "slings and arrows"! We are all interested in What Is True, and this is only revealed when a few courageous souls are willing to bear (for the sake of Truth alone) what can be perceived as some occasional rather nasty personal attacks. I strongly encourage you to bravely forge ahead!

Roberta

Anonymous said...

Angela,

I love the post and all the comments. I hate the idea that you may close this blog, but you know where your heart lies right now. I don't think it should be a sudden decision, perhaps a break to see what direction you want to go. Keep those negative comments in perspective. You know their history.

Love ya, Cindy

thailandchani said...

Geeeez, Louise!

I read that comment stream and I can't imagine anyone being so mean-spirited ~ you know, to write about a personal situation like that in a public comments forum.

You know your own mind. That's how I see the issue. You will make the right choice for you at the right time.

Sherri said...

I'll read whatever you want to write.

bella said...

Good for you.
Getting to know it all and have answers, especially to other people's process, must give some people what they think they want. Conviction? Rightness? Security?
Sometimes I think it is just a matter of not having owned the whole self, that we are never just one thing, and others get to be their own bundle of contradictions and process.
Anyways, I admire a woman who has chosen to find her own way, and to be honest about herself along the way.
love to you.

turtlegirl said...

Be your beautiful self. Follow your own wonderous instincts. Thank you for being so honest and sharing so generously of yourself in this blog from the beginning. You put a great deal of time into offer YOUR piece, YOUR spin on things. Thank you for your kindness and generous thought provoking insights and information.

Angela said...

Thank you, Turtlegirl. Namaste'.

John Eaton said...

No one knows the heart of another, not fully, for the heart is its own country, Angela.

Keep singing,

John :)

Angela said...

Said like only you can, John. Thank you. :)