The Phone Call

do-do-do-do-DU-do, do-do-do-do-DU-do. There's that sound again, the one I'm either waiting for or dreading. The one I always have to dig around in the bowels of my way-too-large purse to find, rummaging through receipts, wallet, makeup, bills and pills. (well, not so many pills these days.) There! Caught it just before the last ring - after that one you get to hear the recording of my sweet southern voice instead of my real sweet southern voice.

"Hello."

"Well, you're going to have a great-nephew." (My sister, Pam.)

This does not compute as I have never actually thought of the baby my niece is going to have in exactly that way before. Wait. I'm not . . .mature enough to be a great-aunt, I haven't wisened to that point yet. Holy effin' Cow!, you have to be OLD to have a great-anything! (Can you say denial? Ah, my sweet protectress.)

Then,

"sniff"

"Are you crying?"

"Yeauss!" Sob, sob, snort, sniff.

"So ya'll found out today?"

"Yeauss!" Wail, sob, sob, snort, sniffle.

"Congratulations! Is Coley there?" (Coley is the mother of this soon-to-be great nephew of mine.)

"Yeauss. She says I can't call anybody else unless I stop crying, but I don't think I can!" Wail, wail, snort, sob.

I'm laughing so hard by now I can hardly breathe. (The women in my family can do hysteria in a myriad of ways.) (Poor little fella - he has no idea what he's getting into.)

Ain't life grand?