Sunday, September 9, 2007

The "G" Word

Gratitude is, well, it's like the background music of my life. It's true, some days I'm more grateful than others, some days it can be hard to find gratitude in the midst of feelings of stress, or loneliness, or fatigue, or pain. Part of maturing is knowing that despite the everyday, regular, run-of-the-mill ups and downs of life, I have so much to be grateful for. I was born into a loving and close family; I've had wonderful and great friends my entire life; I live in a beautiful part of the country; I make enough of a living; I'm healthy; my family is healthy; I've never had to go a day without food unless I wanted to; I'm sober; I have two great housemates that live for two things: love & food. What it boils down to is that I'm sincerely happy to be alive. Now, there were a lot of times, especially during my days of heavy drinking, that not only was I not happy to be alive but I really thought I'd rather be dead. And that's what I still have trouble with being ashamed of -- that I failed to recognize life for the gift that it is for so long. That I was so damned stupid. So I make living amends around that by being grateful for life today, despite all the mistakes and screw-ups, the memories that make me cringe and the fact that it's all so very temporary, beautiful and heart-breaking. Or maybe because it's all so very temporary, beautiful and heartbreaking. I seem to have embraced the mystery without even knowing I was doing it. Recognizing that makes my life sacred.
P. S. I tried to get that damn picture to look right about 10 times. Oh well.


Carla said...

Beautiful, Angela. I know *exactly* what you mean.

Journey Through Life said...

What wonderful gratitude you have for your life. You have so much to be thankful for!

Don't be hard on yourself in regards to the past - the shame that you feel for not having lived life to the full. If you hadn't lived through the things you did, you wouldn't be the woman that you are today. You wouldn't have the insight, strength and wisdom that you have gained. You NEEDED to live through it all in order to grow and evolve.

We all have our things that we have to go through in this lifetime. I believe that we choose to go through them before we even come down here. So, I only try to be grateful for the hardships knowing that without them, I would have stagnated.

It's all just another thing to be grateful for. Throw away the shame!!!!!


Angela said...

Grateful women unite. Thanks, ya'll.

Sherri said...

Gratitude is the secret to a happy life, this I believe with all my heart. Shoot, gratitude might BE happiness, just in a different context.

Through my partying years, the dark years, I always felt like I had a black veil covering my eyes, like there was more to see if only I could find a way to lift the veil. Gratitude did it.

Olivia said...

Angela, I loved this post on gratitude. And the picture is sweet. Thank you, Olivia

Anonymous said...

H.O.W. is what I see in your "G Word" post, and times 2 Annie's comments.
My gratitude is boundless ~ always a grateful sober woman, grateful for my new acquaintance with you.