Fire on the Mountain

We had a little excitement at Brent's house on Blacktail Mountain over the weekend. The hillside adjacent to Blacktail, known as Baldy, caught fire. Apparently, all our fire resources are




off in California and they were slow getting it under control. It's a little freaky to look out the bedroom window and see flames and realize that yes, Virginia, it is all IMPERMANENT and hey, it could be gone by nightfall! Luckily, the wind worked in our favor, the firefighters gathered the necessary tools (namely helicopters and water), and disaster was averted. Of course Brent was out sprinkling the woods around his house and doing everything he could. Just in case. That's one thing I love about that guy so much. And if disaster ever does actually strike, I want him on my side. Like my father, he has a tremendous innate knowledge and understanding of nature and her processes and if you want to see him angry, get him started on how our "wildlife management" attempts have destroyed what was once beautiful and pristine Montana habitat. I'm continually amazed at his intelligence, energy and passion. The really great thing about him, though, is that he's at least as fucked up (sorry dad) as I am and so we tend to be tender with each other's foibles. For the most part. You know, ask me again next week.

On this end of the valley, we're harvesting town gardens in anticipation of the first freeze, due tonight. We're thinking ahead about how best to tend the earth and our fellow human beings and we're enjoying fall in Montana.

Carbon Sequestration aka Good Dirt

I read something recently that seems very important and I wanted to re-print it here. It's from Delicious Living magazine which is offered free of charge at my local health food store, Mission Mountain Natural Foods. The article is entitled, In Defense of Organics, and was written by Radha Marcum. The section of the article that interested me most is about something called "carbon sequestration." Here it is:

Food miles are on everyone's minds these days. On average, food travels 1,300 to 2,000 miles from farm to plate. But choosing local alone can't solve our fossil fuel and CO2 woes, say researchers. Only 11 precent of a food's carbon footprint is tied to transport. The remainder is almost entirely associated with growing, processing and packaging the food.

Organic farming take those nonrenewable petroleum products, such as synthetic fertilizers and pesticides, out of the equation. Instead, it relies on cover crops and organic fertilizers to boost productivity, along with nonpetroleum-based pest and weed management tools. And newly published research from the Rodale Institute points to an even bigger potential environmental benefit of organic farming: carbon sequestration.

Looking at nearly three decades of research, Jeff Moyer, farm director of the Rodale Institute and chairman of the National Organic Standards Board, and other scientists, such as Cornell's David Pimentel, Ph.D, have found that healthy, microbe-rich soil bolstered by organic farming methods has the ability to remove CO2 (the most prevalent greenhouse gas) from the air - and lots of it. "By increasing and relplenishing biodiversity in the soil we can sequester carbon at a greater rate than we originally thought possible," says Moyer. An acre of organic cropland can take approximately 7,000 pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere each year. Multiply that by the 434 million acres of U.S. cropland and it's the equivalent to eliminating emissions from 217 million cars (nearly 88 percent of US cars today).

How does dirt become a carbon sequestering tool? By using cover crops, organic compost, and chemical-free pest and weed control practices, organic farming actively builds biodiversity in the soil. In fact, if you took the microscopic fungi living in a teaspoon of soil from organically managed farmland and placed them end to end, the resulting chain would stretch hundreds of yards, says Moyer, many times more than those in conventionally grown soil. The fungi and other living organisms abundant in organic soils naturally pull carbon from the air and store it in the soil, where it is retained for decades. Scientists have found that, at worst, some Midwestern soils have gone from 20 percent carbon to between 1 and 2 percent carbon in the last 60 years alone.

So you mean we have a tool to sequester carbon and improve the soil and the food we eat and bring people together to get it done? All those sweet little microscopic fungi will take care of all that carbon? Incredible. So simple. So obvious. I'm working my little patch of ground; how about you?

If you think this is important, pass it around. And don't forget to link Delicious Living and Eclectic Recovery.

Sunrise Vista Inn - The End

I wrote several weeks ago about taking the owner of the Sunrise Vista Inn to court for breach of contract. What a fiasco. I was unable to take him to small claims court because the contract we signed was an employment contract and in Montana an employee can be let go for any or no reason whatsoever within the first six months of employment. Considering that my employment was only scheduled for five months, it seemed that I was without recourse.

I refused to give up, however, knowing that I had been used, taken advantage of and discarded in a way that I couldn't let pass. I figured out that the owner hired out the job that way in order to avoid paying payroll taxes and workers compensation premiums and I contacted the Montana and U.S. Departments of Labor, thinking they would have some interest in his "shrewd" business tactics. At the very least I hoped to keep the same thing from happening to someone else.

The U. S. Department of Labor convinced him to cough up some money for me, although it was only about a third of what I figured I was rightly owed. At least it was something and hopefully it got the point across that someone is paying attention and is not afraid to pursue compensation. I doubt the owner will suffer any consequences beyond cutting me that final check, but I learned something about myself which is also helping me in my struggle with alcoholism. I learned that I can stand up for myself, I can take action where I see wrong, and I can make a difference, at least in my life. A powerless person wouldn't have done that. Pursuing that action, despite much advice to let it go and move on, allowed me to find a strength I didn't know I had. By all outward appearances, he was the fine upstanding citizen and I was pretty much nothing. Outward appearances can be very deceiving. They can also be very empowering. What the owner failed to realize is that I really had nothing to lose at that point. All the things that were so important to him - his reputation in the community, his social contacts and big house, his need to be seen as the BIG MAN helping out the little guy, none of those things matter a whit to me.

About Powerlessness

For a long time, I believed I was powerless over alcohol. That particular belief has contributed to my chronic relapse history and has kept me from doing what I need to do to stay sober. I suppose I can understand why adopting the belief that one is powerless over alcohol helps some people stay sober, but in my life the idea of powerlessness began to permeate all my activities. A deep and uncomfortable sense of powerlessness is one of the emotion-states that initially attracted me to alcohol and drugs. The belief in my own powerlessness didn't come overnight; I nurtured it for years with the assistance of the 12 steps and the fellowship of AA. I think the powerless idea only works really well if you've already had a sense of your own power and my only sense of power up to that point was that the only control I had was to ignore it, pray about it, or drink at it. Intellectually, I understand that by admitting powerlessness you are then supposed to be better able to tap into a higher power, but it didn't work that way for me. Because I believed wholeheartedly in m own powerlessness, the power I did have became distorted. I think I am beginning to unravel that.

Surrendering to sobriety doesn't necessarily mean surrendering to powerlessness over alcohol or people, places and things. I can see how falling into powerlessness, into victimhood, has colored my life since I adopted it and how my inability to stay sober (because I wasn't really trying - why try if you really believe you're powerless?) has fed into that mind-state.

It's been brought to my attention that it's time for me to exert all the power I can towards my recovery, and I have substantial power even before I connect with that universal source of all power.

I feel as if I'm going through a spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical detoxification process. Information is coming in at a rapid rate, connections and synchronicities are everywhere. Concepts that I've known in my head for years are now making their way to my body and it's as if the heart/mind that lives in me is coming to life. I'm aware of myself and the world around me in a way I never have been before. My body is filled with energy that it's not used to and it's having a hard time keeping up. I know that this is a time to fold in, to rest and let the new relaxation permeate every cell, to allow my spirit to continue to be rejuvenated. I have the power to do that and all I really need to do is to relax into the process. When I forget that, I return to the present moment.

So My Dad Came Out

So my dad came out a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time. My dad and I, and Brent and his dad, Don, drove to Many Glacier in the Northeast corner of the U.S. side of Glacier National Park, just shy of the Canadian border. We took the kayaks, Don's motor home, lots of fishing gear, food and set up a great camp. The weather cooperated fully and we had two absolutely gorgeous days and nights. But, alas, no luck fishing.

Fishing with Brent can be an experience that you wonder how in the hell you let yourself get into. The last time I went fishing with Brent it was 20 degrees farenheit, there was a foot and a half of snow on the ground, 8 inches of it fresh and we had to chain up to get the boat to the boat dock. There was only one reason I got in that sad looking vessel they were calling a boat that day and it was that I knew I would be warmer on the boat than in the truck. In other words, I would be warmer longer before I freakin' froze to death!

It was great visiting with the dads, watching mountain goats on the gigantic piece of rock called a mountain that loomed over our camp. My dad even gave me something before he left: a cold. Thanks, dad. I've been sick for a week but am feeling better and trust he is, too.

Today is the most beautiful fall day you could ever want to see. It's going to be warm and breezy and I'm going to immerse myself fully in it. There are gardening chores to be done. There is lemon ginseng green tea with honey to be drunk.

Looking In

We are reflections of the divine life force. While science may not yet be able to "prove" this fact, more and more evidence is available to the seeker that it is so. As reflections of this creative source the place to look for it, the place to be close to it, is within our own selves, the universe that is us. This requires stillness, reflection on our reflection and assistance.

I have been taught, as all of us westerners have, to look outside ourselves for this source, this authority. Once, it seemed I had found this source through AA - I remained sober, my "outer" life improved and I had the approval of all who knew me. But it was an illusion as all outside sources are illusion.

I've been through my own personal hell in the past fifteen years. When the outside source I had come to rely on failed me, I turned my back on seeking at all for some time and when I began again I was very lost. I attempted again and again to return to that outside source and when the connection was not there I turned back to alcohol for consolation. I became caught in a web of approval-seeking, guilt, confusion and making sure I did everything on the outside to look like I was changing on the inside. That particular course of action led me to a psychiatric ward last February, thinking of suicide and being dogged by anxiety and depression every waking moment.

It's a paradox that some of the outside sources we seek may actually be able to help us to the spiritual authority inside us - which is why AA works well for some, why religion can assist, and why family and commuity support is so vital. The mental health and addiction counseling is providing me that assistance now, as well as the support of my family and friends, my on-line sobriety group and all the unseen assistance I feel coming my way. But none of these are my authority, they are only helping me observe my own connection to the spiritual authority that resides within me, and within all of us.

The "anxiety and depression" I felt are being transmuted into kundalini awakening, the awakening of the divine energy that lies in the base of the spine. This energy is begging my attention, my focus and my commitment. Doctors will call it neurosis, menopause, delusion, but I'm not asking them anymore. I've begun practicing kundalini yoga to help me engage this energy. This energy is nothing less than the energy of creation. It lives in all of us and desires our engagement above all else. The body is a gateway, the senses portals, the natural world a spiritual testing ground. My use and abuse of alcohol and drugs was a misguided and unconscious attempt to engage this energy. I'm beginning to use the body, the senses and the natural world as my tools for cooperation.

I didn't know if I would be able to write clearly about this. It's a very difficult thing to put into words; it's a very difficult thing to experience - life. Just think about that word. LIFE. This is it.

Will you, like the doctors, think it's delusion, mild psychosis or plain old insanity? Honestly, I could care less. But I've decided to keep writing about it as best I can, as openly and as clearly as I can because this can be my tool of worship. And life is deserving of our praise. Now, I've got to go practice some "breath of fire."

Take care.