Anatomy of a Friendship

Just looking at this picture makes me happy. When I first moved to Montana I was ill prepared for the amount of energy it would take to make new friends. I had lived in Georgia for most of my life, surrounded by people I'd known since childhood and immersed in a culture that would invite the Unibomber in and make sure he had a full belly before he left. Southern hospitality is not a myth and I'm sure I had that "deer in the headlights" look for a couple of years when my sincere attempts at friendship were met with the innate distrust that most Montanans feel for outsiders.

I met Roberta at a yoga class. I was suffering from life at the time, having not yet taken the first of the Four Noble Truths to heart: Life is suffering. I sensed the possiblity of a friendship with Roberta, but had no real premonition of how important that friendship would become or how deeply it would penetrate my heart. Our relationship has been a slow affair, building upon our mutual interest in meditation, the dharma, truth and beauty.

Roberta had just moved back to Montana after spending many years in spiritual community on the East Coast studying under Joseph Goldstein. I'm reminded of the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. That Roberta can maintain the delicate balance of teacher and friend is just one of her many gifts.

Two years ago I moved onto the same street as Roberta. It was purely accidental - if you believe in tremendously auspicious accidents. The summer of 2006 I drank the evenings away and became deeply involved in my own sad story. Roberta never wavered in her unconditional love or her detachment from said story. She would only be involved with me. The me under all the crap that I had accumulated, the me with no stories, the true me. As I observed her integrity and profound love, I, too, began to detach from what was unimportant.

In the years since moving to Montana, I've developed many, many sacred friendships. But the first one remains special. In case you don't recognize her, that vampire on last night's post is Roberta. Did I mention she's tremendous fun?? We dressed up as vampires and went to see the local theatre's performance of Dracula last night. We could've been two 10-year olds playing with mom's makeup we had so much fun.

Sometimes I'm quite sure I'm the luckiest person on the planet.

Keep Your Children Inside

And locked up. Vampires are afoot.

Miss Priss aka Kisster

This one, on the other hand, just sits around looking pretty most of the time.

Just for Fun

One of Angela's housemates helps out with the laundry!

Oh baby, it takes a village

Figured I'd get my Wellness Wednesday post done early today. I want to talk about the importance of community in sobriety and in life. I'm so mindful lately of the village that surrounds me, supports me and helps me persist in creating the life I want to create. I'm a participant in a number of communities, both formal and informal. My formal communities include a yoga community, business communities, an artist's community, the AA community, a writer's community, the LSR community, and now a blogging community. All of these are important to me, but it's the informal community that I've created around myself that really sustains and supports me, that keeps me going when I don't feel like it anymore and that I fall back on again and again for inspiration and love. My informal community consists of a handful of people that I connect with on a deep level, that I can speak with about anything and that share a commitment to the same values that I hold dear. It consists of an ex-lover, a neighbor/spiritual mentor/friend/buddy, a couple of AA women and my family. I keep these people tightly woven around me so I don't fall too hard.

I especially want to speak about the AA community I'm involved with because it's probably the most difficult for me. Now, many in AA will argue with you 'til the cows come home that it's not Christian-based, it's not fundamental, dogmatic or rigid. I disagree on all points. I've been around it and around it and I've even wanted to change my mind about it, but it hasn't happened. Here's the thing, though. It's the only sober-based face to face community available. Which brings me to one of my favorite subjects: choice. It's sad to me that there aren't more choices. It's sad to me that people go to AA and if it doesn't work for them, they often leave feeling there's something wrong with them. It's sad to me that the majority of people who use AA to good advantage also believe there's something wrong with those people, that they're either not "working the program" or they're "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves". I've built up a strong backbone for sticking to my own beliefs, but the peer pressure in AA is as intense as any I've ever seen and most people that go there for the first time are in an extremely weak and vulnerable state. The saddest part, and one I know from first hand experience? People will go back and go back and go back and try it again and again, because it's the only thing out there. I would like to propose, if you're one of those people, that you go if you want to, take what you need and leave the rest. That's one of the principles too, you know. Use it.

I really didn't intend to go there when I first began this post, but I must've needed to. My primary point is that village, community, whatever you want to call it, is one of the finest things in my life. I'm really, really glad it takes a village. Thanks for being part of mine.

The Soul's Companion

This is my much loved and well worn daily meditation book. I can always count on the readings to remind me of the sacredness of life . . . my life. From yesterday's reading:

Time and Space

I will look beyond time and space into the infinite nature of the Universe, into soul. What I see around me is not all there is to this world. Call me crazy, but I see more. I trust my eyes and I trust my heart. What I see with my mind and my heart are just as real for me as what I see with my eyes. Reality is multi-layered. When I am still and quiet it unfolds itself to me. Its wisdom and meaing seep effortlessly into my pores. I come to understand truth and soul because I sense its presence within me. I am a part of this divine mystery of life. I am indivisible with the whole, a cog in an ever-turning wheel of time, beyond which lies eternity, more life, more me, more it.

I see beyond space and time.

The influence of the senses has in most men overpowered the mind to that degree that the walls of time and space have come to look real and insurmountable; and to speak with levity of these limits is, in this world, the sign of insanity. Yet time and space are but inverse measures of the force of the soul." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gotta love Mr. Emerson

Meditation

Meditation has been an important part of my sobriety and spiritual practice for a long time. I remember the first time I went to a group meditation session - I thought I was going to jump out of my skin before it was over!

But I persevered, and gradually came to embrace the time to quiet my mind and sit with no distractions, no reaching or grabbing, no needing to have. I've read many, many books on meditation that I've found helpful. I think "Emotional Alchemy" by Tara Bennett-Goleman was one of the most profound reads for me on using meditation as a way to heal emotional wounds. Also, "Coming to Our Senses" by Jon Kabat-Zinn was a powerful book about the importance of mindfulness in creating a life of peace and joy. I've come to believe that learning to detach from my mind and all it's silly games is of real importance in gaining perspective on life and god(dess)and what the heck we're doing here. As long as I'm trapped in dualistic thinking, not realizing there is a way out of it, I'm probably not going to be very free or happy in this life. Once I got a taste of separating from me, and connecting with everything, I was hooked. So, this is my Wellness Wednesday post, on Thursday. I try, people.

Success and Abundance

I had so much fun creating this vision board. I initially wanted to put my intention for the success of my business into the board and I did that, but it turned into a lot more than that before it was done. As I perused magazines for pictures, words and ideas that had meaning for me, a process happened that I wasn't expecting. I believe this is a powerful tool for getting in touch with the subconscious because it was only when I finished that I became of aware of why I chose some of the things I did. I of course want my business to be successful for me and the artists I'm working with, but I began to realize that I define success and abundance in my own way. Those little tags at the top of the board all say, "Yes". I got those out of a Lucky magazine (my magazine addiction finally came in handy by the way!) and I outlined the board with them as my way of saying "Yes!" to all the wonderful beauty and abundance in the Universe. "Yes! Yes!" and "Yes!" again. The "Openarms" is another way of my saying to creation, "Bring it on. I'm ready."I also included words like, "great, easy and simple" because I'm realizing that things just don't have to be so damned hard all the time. I have a lot of power over how simple or complicated I make my life and here is me saying to me, "Keep it simple, stupid." I found myself really attracted to pictures of beautiful, nourishing food and included that because eating well and healthy and thankfully is such an integral part of my life. I also found myself cutting photos of nice shoes, boots and slippers and I wondered about that for awhile. I'm really not much of a shoe junkie. Then I realized that I've laid a foundation for this part of my life. I've worked hard to be at a place where I feel energized and excited and so happy to be alive. So all the little shoes are in honor of that. And clocks. There are two on there. I'm aware of the passing of time in a profound way these days. I'm not trying to hold onto it, but I honor it. In this life, it's not unlimited. I included Paul Newman and JoAnne Woodward because they're a couple of my heroes. Actually I think Paul Newman is about my favorite person on the planet.

Of course I included lots of things just because I like them and think they're beautiful. Fall leaves, pumpkins, diamonds, flowers. And you know what I realized when I was done? I realized that not only was I putting an intention out to create success and abundance, I have already created it. Success is a feeling and it's the feeling I have now. I've taken an idea, a project, and I've run with it and am making it happen. That is success. I'm sitting here with my sweet kitty in my lap, with a full belly and a world full of friends and loved ones. That is abundance.

Oh yeah, and I included that big "big" 'cause I don't know about you, but I'm kinda tired of thinking small.

Also, I'm thinking this can be a great recovery tool as well. Creating a board that symbolizes all the things we want for our sober lives.

I wish you all great and endless success and abundance.

Visionboard

More tomorrow. Happy Sunday.

All Natural Cure for Restless Legs Syndrome

I don't know when I've been so glad to get home, get in my fleece and get comfortable. My sleep has been poor lately, interrupted by a sore shoulder, the lovely and ever-soaking menopausal night sweats and a headful of information on starting a new business. But one thing that won't be keeping me up tonight is RLS, Restless Legs Syndrome. This particularly nasty little syndrome will let you get nice and relaxed before causing your legs to begin thrusting like a junkie's coming off smack (or so I've heard). I suffered with RLS for a few years, trying mutliple remedies that seemed to help, but never quite got rid of it. I tried hoemopathic remedies, supplements, exercise and acupuncture. I remember hearing about the new pharmaceutical, Requip, that could help provide relief, but the price was a possible problem with gambling and sex addiction. Thanks anyway. Then a friend of mine, The Practical Vampire Slayer as a matter of fact, (she has an excellent new post up by the way) told me how she had cured hers with a liquid calcium supplement. I was pretty skeptical at this point, but the RLS had become so bothersome that I really would try anything I hadn't already, except the Requip. After a week of night-time doses of Nature's Life liquid calcium, magnesium & phosphorous liquid, my RLS disappeared. Since then, 2-3 doses a week seems to do the trick to keep away the jittery legs.

One thing I really love about the blogging community is the free and reciprocal sharing of information. When I originally began this blog, I wanted to focus partly on some of the physical problems that tend to plague people, especially women, in recovery and treatments I've found helpful. I got a little sidetracked and then my new blogging friend, the lovely Elena of Lunar Musings started the Wellness Wednesday project and provided me the perfect opportunity to get back on track.

I can't guarantee this cure for you, but it worked for the PVS and it worked for me. If you're having a problem with RLS, I hope it works for you, too.

Sacred Sunday - Post #3 . . . LOVE

I went to a rally for the Burmese people yesterday. We chanted The Karaniya Metta Sutta - The Buddha's Discourse on Loving Kindness which follows:

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness
Having glimpsed the state of perfect peace,
Let them be able, honest and upright,
Gentle in speech, meek and not proud.

Contented and easy to support,
With few duties, and simple in living,
Tranquil in their senses, masterful and modest,
without greed for supporters.

Also, let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.
Let them cultivate the thought:
May all be well and secure,
May all beings be happy.

Whatever living creatures there be
Without exception, weak or strong,
Long, huge or middle-sized,
Or short, minute or bulky,

Whether visible or invisible
And those living far or near,
The born and those seeking birth,
May all beings be happy.

Let none deceive another
Or despise any being in any state;
Let none wish others harm
in resentment or in hate.

Just as with her own life
A mother shields her child,
her only child, from hurt
Let all-embracing thoughts
For all beings be yours.

Cultivate a limitless heart of goodwill
For all throughouut the cosmos
in all its height, depth and breadth -
Love that is untroubled
And beyond hatred or enmity.

As you stand, walk, sit or lie,
As long as you are awake
Pursue this awareness with your might:
It is deemed the Diving Abiding - here and now.

Holding no more to wrong views,
A pure-hearted one, having clarity
of vision, being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

Sacred Sunday Post #2

EAT AGAIN!


Just kidding. Although I did. . . . eat again, that is.

PRAY

My prayers are all about action these days. Taking the right actions, not taking the wrong ones. I planned on spending the afternoon getting my office in order and making a vision board, as described on Cafe Entrepreneur, Laura Howard West's blog that I just love. I went shopping and got everything I needed for the office and the vision board. I wanted to reorganize the office first, then reward myself by making the vision board. Right in the middle of my major reorganization, a phone call came that a friend of mine was in town and would only be here a short time. So I stopped and went for a Sunday afternoon visit, which turned into lunch, which turned into showing another friend all the beautiful art I brought home from a client's yesterday. And now my project is all around me unfinished and I'm feeling that I seriously need a nap. Dilemmas. Life is full of them. Just like most things in my life, I don't pray in any kind of conventional way. I pray by doing. I pray by going with the flow. I may even pray by taking a nap with my office turned upside down!

Sacred Sunday . . . EAT

As a way of making up for lost time on My Sacred Life posts, I'm going to post three times today. One guess what the other two will be.

I won't be going to Italy any time soon, but these eggs sure made me feel like I was there. I think Montana's early light is similar to the buttery, golden light I see in photos and paintings from Italy. Much of my furntiure has an Italian feel to it - so hey, I was practically there.

Italian Eggs

Two farm fresh eggs
One small tomato
One small clove garlic
1 Tsp. olive oil
Pinch basil and tarragon
Parmesan cheese

Chop tomato and mince garlic. Place in pan with olive oil over medium-low heat for about a minute. Scramble eggs and cook with tomato and garlic. Just before they're finished, infuse with herbs. Top with cheese, salt and pepper. Oh, and don't forget the toasty toast with real butter. For dessert - yes, dessert. Another piece of toast with your favorite jelly or preserves. I used apricot. But I would've preferred fig or muscadine (sp??). Hint, hint to all my southern friends.

A very Italian start to a beautiful Sacred Sunday. Bella food!

The Obvious Answer

Is, of course, TODAY.





“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders & absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
Emerson

How long have you been sober?

As a person with a history of intermittent relapse, I of course hate this question. I was at an AA gathering recently and a woman was asking everyone as they walked out the door how long they'd been sober. I guess I was doing something close to praying as I kept up the mantra, "Don't ask me, don't ask me." She didn't. And I was glad. And I'll tell you why. I was sober from 1988-1994. I was sober most of 1996. I was sober a majority of 2001 - present. In the past year, I've been sober about 360 out of 365 days. Now, usually when people ask you this question, they're in AA. And they don't care about any of that. They want to know how long it's been since your last drink. I know that so I'm not comfortable answering 13 or so years because I know that's not really what they're asking. Here's the thing, though. I am proud of and thankful for every single one of those days sober. And just because someone else thinks that because I've slipped, it all amounts to a pile of nothing doesn't mean I think it. Based on my history, it's a pretty good bet that I'll slip again; however, it won't keep me from having long-term, stable sobriety as my goal and sincerely trying not to slip. As problem drinkers, we all know that a slip can lead to long-term drinking, as noted by that big gap from 1996-2001 where you won't find many sober days I logged. I'm not stupid. I know this. I do the best I can without giving up my soul to something I don't necessarily believe in.

Another reason I don't like the question is this. It has absolutely nothing to do with the kind of person I am. Telling you that I've been sober 90 continuous days or 13 intermittent years won't get you any closer to knowing me than telling you my hair is brown. You may think you know something about me. For instance, if I said the first, you could think I'm off to a great start (ha! if you only knew). Of if I told you the latter, you could think one of a few things: either I'm really slow (which I'll readily admit to) or I'm one of the most persistent, tenacious people you've ever known (which I'll also readily admit to) or you could think I'm a complete idiot (which thanks anyway but I won't be owning that one). But still, you won't know that I'm honest and compassionate and loving and a great friend and creative and really, really impatient and on occasion, very petty.

Another reason I don't like the question is that I think it's rude which really is another post. But the main reason I don't like it is because it will take an entire year of someone's life - most of it spent sober, productive and active, and focus on the one day you veered off the path. And it will give that day power instead of all those good days.