Monday, January 11, 2010
For someone who is going to live in a halfway house for the homeless I sure am excited. It's an odd thing to feel free of so much of that old energy that was keeping me down. While in treatment I was given a clear picture of how alcohol and drugs ensure that I will stay mired in old patterns that don't serve me or anyone. I won't entertain regret, but will keep company with the intense gratitude I feel for the love I have in my life, for 60 days of continuous sobriety and the inner knowing that I will take care of myself.
While in treatment I was asked what I would most like my family and those friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin to know about my alcohol and drug use. What I would like them to know is that it's not me. It's a disease, weakness, illness, malady, whatever you want to call it, over which I am powerless. However, I do have power over my recovery. I have the power to continue to seek those who understand and can help. I have the power to set an intention for myself and follow through on it. I have the power to let go of anything and everything that doesn't support my sobriety and to reach for those hands that do.
I am sorry I made such a big freakin' mess in the process. But, you know, life is messy and I truly believe we're all just doing the best we can until we can do better. I understand my job: Don't drink, seek support and give back; allow the universe to unfold through the awareness that keeps all of us breathing and the awareness that accompanies us when we're done breathing. Live in gratitude. Express love. Let go of judgement of yourself or anyone else. Forgive.
Look out Butte, America. Angela is on her way.