Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gathering Allies

I'm lucky I haven't alienated everyone that could be a recovery ally for me. I know a lot of people abandoned this blog because it became more of a "how can I continue to drink" blog than a recovery blog and I don't blame them. While it's obvious that many of my methods were ill-advised and clearly not working, I think it was a process I needed to go through. At any rate, it is a process that I did go through and I am now at a point where I'm thoroughly convinced that drinking at all will not work for me. For a long, long time drinking continued to offer me some relief from the ups and downs of everyday life. Now I find myself longing for just a sense of normalcy - for just that everyday life that I've been running from. Since November, not only has drinking stopped working, it has made everything exponentially worse. My confidence plummeted, I felt abandoned by the sense of grace that had infused the 35 days I did remain sober and the depression/anxiety quickly became unbearable.

So I'm gathering recovery allies around me, my kalyana mittas, my spiritual friends. With their guidance and assistance, I am bound to succeed.

8 comments:

julesgp187 said...

For me personally drinking in moderation was never effective. Yeah, I could drink moderately but I was still ddoing the same thing - hiding from how I feel or changing how I felt. obriety is hard, but I know I feel it is that way to go. Good luck. I am here!

Anonymous said...

Depression and anxiety are both treatable illnesses so it is important to seek professional help if you think you or anyone you know may be feeling anxious or showing signs of depression .
Here is a helpful link about these mood disorders . www.lifeworkscommunity.com.
Advice for anxiety treatment and depression treatment can also be found here.

Julie said...

Hey,
I've just been a huge slacker in the reading/commenting department. If people were "turned off" by your journey because they were trying to find their own, then good riddance to their comments? We are ALL human.

Olivia said...

Angela,

Different things work at different times for us. Each of our processes are different. I think that you are right where you need to be. And that you were before also. Each of our paths twist and turn.

I sometimes feel as though I've "regressed" spiritually or otherwise when I return to something I'd abandoned. But I don't think that is reality. I think that just as we respect others' journeys (which is easy for me), it is good to respect our own.

Even though it may have seemed like a "how can I continue to drink" blog, to me it seemed like a recovery blog. And it still does! I still like it, and I did before. I think that one of your great qualities is that you share where you are and are transparent, and I love that, Angela.

Those of us who have been through a bit of life shy away from judgment and dogma and rigidity, I think. I sure hope I do. You are at the perfect place, right now. But I also think that you were before as well.

Wishing you love and continued success on your journey,

O

Angela said...

Jules - thanks!

Julie - great so "see" you!

Olivia - how I would love to meet you f2f one day. You always, always, make me feel good. Thank you.

miss*R said...

Hi Angela, sorry I haven't visited in awhile. I thought you had stopped blogging.. however, I want to thankyou so much for your words of support.

And to wish you all the best with your recovery & journey..I will be visiting again for sure. xoxo

miss*R said...

oh and don't forget this blog is for YOU - whatever you wish to post about. whether it is your drinking or recovery.. it is all a process. I use my blog to get my constant searching of life thoughts out and I am sure it turns many off... but it can also make many think ;)
blessings to you ! xo - I am here to help as a spiritual friend xo

vicariousrising said...

I think most of us alcoholics went through a phase (or 10) of kidding ourselves that we could control or moderate our drinking. I even quit for two years, convinced I was not an alcoholic, but just needed to prove I could stop for whatever length of time I wanted. Problem was, within a month of going back to drinking again, I was fully addicted and worse than ever.

We all have our path to walk to recovery. So long as you get to the road, it doesn't matter the route you took.