I "enrolled" at the chemical dependency center yesterday. Enrollment consisted of several questionnaires, most asking the same questions in different ways, about my alcohol and drug use. It was a difficult, but necessary exercise that put me into quite a funk. My assessment is scheduled for March 25th. I knew it would be a wait, but I didn't think it would be an entire month. I found myself thinking that by then I probably won't need the treatment and then I thought, "Are you crazy!!??!! You've been fighting this thing for 30 years! Do whatever you need to do now to ensure long-term sobriety!" That's the insidious nature of alcoholism. It warps your thinking.
We had a late winter blizzard to blow in. It snowed over a foot in 24 hours and the wind-blown snow created very low visibility and literally blasted your face as soon as you went outside. I went to work for two hours, shoveled 7-8 inches off the steps, and by the time I left, you could hardly tell they'd been touched. I was covered in snow every time I got in and out of my car and was soaked until I could get home and change. One of the things I love about living here so much is the snow, but I have to say that this wasn't fun snow. It sure will be great on top of the mountain this weekend, though.
Today is a therapy appointment, a little work, a work-out and an AA meeting. I'm actively participating on the LSR list again and it's been so helpful. Also, a friend of mine sent me this link for the Buddhist Recovery Network. It's a beautiful site with great information. I'm not Buddhist; my spirituality is eclectic, just like my recovery, but I've found many Buddhist practices helpful in my life - especially vipassana (insight or mindfulness) meditation, which I'm managing to do for about 5 minutes at a time right now. Not much, but it's a start.
Just got a phone call from my co-worker and agreed to baby-sit her three toddlers while she and her husband see a movie. Okay. It's official. I have lost my mind. That's okay as long as I don't drink. Thanks for visiting.
5 comments:
Babysitting three rugrats might drive you to drink. Good luck with that.
YAY Day 16, Angela. It sounds like you are doing WELL, I mean considering what you are going through. Very well. Your plan for the evening sounds like a nice gift to this couple. Peace and rest tonight, O
yay for you!! I now officially think of alcohol as an abusive spouse. You love them and yet they destroy you. There comes a time when you have to find the gumption to step away and it is scary as all git-out. And you are doing it.
I am kind of digging positive affirmations at the moment.
Sounds like you are well on your way! The commitment that shows in your willingness to do the hard stuff gives me a lot of confidence in you. :)
~*
Angela, namaste. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am going through my own hell right now with my Mum's lung cancer and am finding it hard to write on my Blog, and focus on other's Blogs, but I am with you . . . someday I'll do a Blog on some of the flies I've tied . . . .
Give yourself a pat on the back and a big hug! You are doing a great job for this moment, and this moment is all we got!~ I Look at all the moments that got me here~ Spirit helped me through them just fine and wil help me through the next one, just fine . . .
Blessings, Kel
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