Friday, February 27, 2009

Day 16



I "enrolled" at the chemical dependency center yesterday. Enrollment consisted of several questionnaires, most asking the same questions in different ways, about my alcohol and drug use. It was a difficult, but necessary exercise that put me into quite a funk. My assessment is scheduled for March 25th. I knew it would be a wait, but I didn't think it would be an entire month. I found myself thinking that by then I probably won't need the treatment and then I thought, "Are you crazy!!??!! You've been fighting this thing for 30 years! Do whatever you need to do now to ensure long-term sobriety!" That's the insidious nature of alcoholism. It warps your thinking.


We had a late winter blizzard to blow in. It snowed over a foot in 24 hours and the wind-blown snow created very low visibility and literally blasted your face as soon as you went outside. I went to work for two hours, shoveled 7-8 inches off the steps, and by the time I left, you could hardly tell they'd been touched. I was covered in snow every time I got in and out of my car and was soaked until I could get home and change. One of the things I love about living here so much is the snow, but I have to say that this wasn't fun snow. It sure will be great on top of the mountain this weekend, though.


Today is a therapy appointment, a little work, a work-out and an AA meeting. I'm actively participating on the LSR list again and it's been so helpful. Also, a friend of mine sent me this link for the Buddhist Recovery Network. It's a beautiful site with great information. I'm not Buddhist; my spirituality is eclectic, just like my recovery, but I've found many Buddhist practices helpful in my life - especially vipassana (insight or mindfulness) meditation, which I'm managing to do for about 5 minutes at a time right now. Not much, but it's a start.


Just got a phone call from my co-worker and agreed to baby-sit her three toddlers while she and her husband see a movie. Okay. It's official. I have lost my mind. That's okay as long as I don't drink. Thanks for visiting.

5 comments:

Sherri said...

Babysitting three rugrats might drive you to drink. Good luck with that.

Olivia said...

YAY Day 16, Angela. It sounds like you are doing WELL, I mean considering what you are going through. Very well. Your plan for the evening sounds like a nice gift to this couple. Peace and rest tonight, O

julesgp187 said...

yay for you!! I now officially think of alcohol as an abusive spouse. You love them and yet they destroy you. There comes a time when you have to find the gumption to step away and it is scary as all git-out. And you are doing it.

I am kind of digging positive affirmations at the moment.

thailandchani said...

Sounds like you are well on your way! The commitment that shows in your willingness to do the hard stuff gives me a lot of confidence in you. :)



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Island Girl Spirit said...

Angela, namaste. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am going through my own hell right now with my Mum's lung cancer and am finding it hard to write on my Blog, and focus on other's Blogs, but I am with you . . . someday I'll do a Blog on some of the flies I've tied . . . .
Give yourself a pat on the back and a big hug! You are doing a great job for this moment, and this moment is all we got!~ I Look at all the moments that got me here~ Spirit helped me through them just fine and wil help me through the next one, just fine . . .
Blessings, Kel