This term, intense pressure, is the best description I've come up with thus far to describe the past few months of my life. I have felt an increasing sense of urgency to DECIDE NOW! how I will live the next 20 years of my life. Making decisions at 47 years of age is a world away from making them at 27 or 37.
I'm in a somewhat precarious situation here in Montana - 2000 miles away from family and life-time friends. There is a business in Georgia that I could run if I decided to go back and my inability to find full-time employment here is creating a lot of financial stress. I have been considering moving in with Brent and attending the college in Kalispell, but I don't think I'm ready to live with him, or anyone.
What I'm realizing is that I can't make any of these decisions while I'm still feeling the intense pressure to DECIDE!. What I can do is stay sober one day at a time and do what is in front of me to do today. The time will come when the decisions are to be made and I can trust that when that time arrives, I will be ready.
In the meantime, there are chores to do and days to live, free of the burden of alcohol and fully participating in my own life and the lives of those I love.