Sunday, November 8, 2009

Welcome to Hell

I'm very appreciative of the comments left on my last post. I'm into the sick phase now. In the sick phase you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My red-haired angel has gone home and it's just me and Attaboy and the incessant ringing in my ears. Freida doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. Maybe these are just the ramblings of a woman gone mad - if so, I hope it's entertaining for you.

Since I'm rambling and since this is my blog I'm going to say a few things out loud that no polite southern woman would ever say. The first thing I want to say is that I didn't get here alone; I had plenty of help and until we as a society wake up to the reality of how we treat people we're not going to get very far. The second thing I want to say is that I'm sick and damned tired of being a scapegoat for those who can't see their own darkness. The third thing I want to say is that the best people I know in the entire world are sober alcoholics - whether they're sober through AA or LSR or WFS or just their own will and determination. I would be honored to be counted among their number.

Alcoholism is hell. Throw in some mental health issues and what you end up with is a hard case to solve, but hopefully not impossible. I'm trying to get into a long-term in-patient treatment program. My last long-term treatment kicked off six years of sobriety for me, but I was young then - the world seemed different.

I want to apologize to my family for upsetting them with my blog posts. But this feels like my job and I'm just reporting what's happening as truthfully as I can. If all it does is scare one person into sobriety, well, that is enough.


thailandchani said...

Right on! I like the sound of that fire in the belly.

You're right, of course, that how we all treat each other is very important. But we can only stop drinking on our own, even if it's despite other people's agenda *for* us.

I care enough about you to give you a verbal kick in the ass if you seem to need it. With that, I say I appreciate your own kick-ass spirit with this and your determination.

You can do this.


Angela said...

Thank you, Chani. Unfortunately my kick-ass spirit is about all done. :)

AngelP said...

Your spirit is incredible. I am sorry for the pain you are in - I know it well.

Day 5 for me. I'm isolating, but the "cork is in the bottle" - for this hour.

Being an alcoholic sucks. And there - I typed it. I am an alcoholic.

This is my first time at this rodeo for me. For you, things will get better. You are a fighter. You will get better.

Pam said...

I don't know why..but you cross my mind often. When you do, I ask God to keep you sober on whatever path you choose to get there. You are, after all, Gods' baby girl.
I remember when you started your blog seems so long ago.

Olivia said...

Your spirit SOUNDS like it's still there Angela. Really. Offend your family, oh well. There are other blogs for them to read. I hope you get into the program you want, Love, O

Sherri said...

Sometimes we have to work through issues whether others are offended or not. Good luck with the program, Angela. You're a good person.

Angela said...


I'm so glad something you've read here is helping you.

Thank you, Pam, Olivia and Sherri.

Mary LA said...

Hi Ang, thanks for the email. In another hemisphere and time zone -- I hope your admission has been sorted and that the detox has begun.

With love & hopefulness

Mary LA