Thursday, July 17, 2008

So Here's Why

I haven't been around in awhile. For a couple of weeks I just had nothing to say and then my computer went kaput and was out for a week and then when I got it back Blogger wouldn't let me start a new post and time just kept ticking by and by and suddenly it's been almost a month since I wrote!

Thanks to the people who wondered where I was and expressed concern. That is so nice.

It's been a year since I started this blog and it's been a year of learning to let go. From a boss who ambushed me wanting sexual favors and then a few months later laid me off three days after knee surgery to the complete loss of the relationship with the man who brought me to Montana to now the loss of the house I have loved so much, I have been given opportunity after opportunity to surrender to what is, to not hold on to what is being removed and to open myself to the absolute perfection of each and every moment. If not always an "inner yes" I have at least been able to practice an "inner non-resistance" to each situation. I have learned that fighting reality only leads to suffering and I'm just not into that. I have come to know that the loss of things, which are all temporary anyway, or the loss of ideas I've had about myself, open up space for me to realize that which is true, unchangeable and eternal about the nature of reality and all of us human beings - including me. We're all in this together.

Eckhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth" and the teachings in it are the right spiritual tool for me now. I have found absolutely nothing in his teachings that I cannot agree with. For someone who never could quite find her place, in AA, in religion, in life, that's no small deal. Here's what Eckhart says about addiction:

If you have a complusive behavior pattern such as smoking, overeating, drinking, TV watching, internet addiction, or whatever it may be, this is what you can do: When you notice the compulsive need arising in you, stop and take three conscious breaths. This generates awareness. Then for a few minutes be aware of the compulsive urge itself as an energy field inside you. Consciously feel that need to physically or mentally ingest or consume a certain substance or the desire to act out some form of compulsive behavior. Then take a few more conscious breaths. After that you may find that the compulsive urge has disappeared - for the time being. Or you may find that it still overpowers you, and you cannot help but indulge or act it out again. DON'T MAKE IT INTO A PROBLEM. Make the addiction part of your awareness practice in the way described above. As awareness grows, addictive patterns will weaken and eventually dissolve. Remember, however, to catch any thoughts that justify the addictive behavior, sometimes with clever arguments, as they arise in your mind. Ask yourself, Who is talking here? And you will realize that the addiction is talking. As long as you know that, as long as you are present as the observer of your mind, it is less likely to trick you into doing whatever it wants.

Do not make it into a problem. So now it is time for me to let go of the identity I've created of myself as alcoholic/addict or recovering alcoholic/addict. And for that reason, I'm going to close Eclectic Recovery. It's been a fabulous, fun learning process and as the days grow shorter and winter begins to settle in I will most likely be back with another blog. Maybe one about me and the cowboy and kayaking Montana. Maybe one about Eckhart's teachings and how they're affecting my life. Maybe one about how I handle becoming a multi-millionaire and having everything I ever dreamed of. :) One thing is for sure. If you're on that Friends and Neighbors list, you are my friend and I will continue to check in with your blogs and your lives. Next to the self-discovery process, the friends I've made blogging are the best thing about it.

I'd like to leave you with a writing by Mother Teresa called "You and People".

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

17 comments:

Sherri said...

Oh, Angela, now I'm all teary-eyed. I am going to miss your blog so much. Even though I'm not recovering from an addiction, I am recovering from life, and you somehow always speak to what is true for me. I hope you will come by and spread some of your wisdom around my comment section.

I wish you the best, Angel.

Angela said...

Oh, don't worry, my dear - you haven't seen the last of me. :)

thailandchani said...

I do hope you will still be around in some form or fashion. I agree with Sherri - that even as we may be able to stop recovery from one particular issue, life itself involves recovery.

We all need each other. :)

~*

Rick Hamrick said...

I fully understand your decision, Angela, and look forward to your further adventures without the yoke you are removing from your shoulders.

Keep writing, regardless of the topic. Many of us love to hear what you have to say besides just your comments to us on our own little front porches.

Love,
Rick

Jane said...

Angela,

I know you will reinvent your wheel with another blog. I am in awe that you have the awareness that you need to close a chapter and focus on building new ones.

You had me at "Kayak"!!!!!!

Olivia said...

Angela,

I can't wait to read your new blog. I, too, enjoy hearing your ideas and points-of-view and will miss you very much if you stop writing altogether. Thank you for all the support you've given me on my journey. Much, much love,

O

xxoo

R.L. Bourges said...

I don't know about God, but all of this makes more sense to me than acting in the opposite direction. So I say amen and wish you all the best in the next chapter of your life story.

Best from Graulhet

Anybeth said...

Will miss you. Hope you still stop by and leave me comments full of wisdom.

Mary L A said...

Um -- I hesitate to say this Angela but I have an deep quirky kind of intuition that you are not coping very well and I hope you do get support and a chance to work through things.

Love

Mary

Island Girl Spirit said...

Oh Angela you sound wonderful!
I HATE labels. I just wrote a blog on that . . .
I do believe that I have needed to go through what I went through to get to where I am today . . . and that addiction Label has been one of those things. However (sorry A.A. & N.A.) I am not an addict, nor an alcoholic today.
I am a Seeker, and you have helped me on this journey! I have njoyed watching you grow on these pages.
Thank-you, and I too look forward to your new Blog. Please do keep in touch and keep up the wonderful writing.
We canoe, but I really want to learn how to Kayak . . . it must be a blast to catch a fish in one! Think of me the next time you do!
Love you, Blessings and Namaste, Kel

Angela said...

Thanks you guys! You're the best.

bella said...

i will miss you here.
that being said, I am happy for you.
I hear a newfound and hard won freedom in your voice, this letting go into what is.
And I really like this quote.
so much is just about awareness.
not judgment, labeling, knowing.
just bringing awareness.
so much wisdom here.
please drop me an email or note on my blog and let me know/when you begin another blog as I would love to keep up with you.
so much love to you today.

Beverly Keaton Smith said...

Hi Angela, I really respect your honesty, openess and integrity. I also respect your decision to move on...you are an awesome woman and I'm glad to have had the privilege of "meeting" you through blogland...Let me know if and when you launch a new blog and all the best to you as you step into this next exciting chapter of your life. ~Beverly

miss*R said...

haven't been around for aaaaaaaaages.... hope you do come back, I love your wisdom xoxo

Carla said...

I wish you all the best! Thank you for the piece by Mother Teresa. I hadn't read it before, and it's exactly what I needed this morning. Take good care of yourself.

thailandchani said...

Just dropping by to say "hello". I'm glad to see you showing up at a few different places. :) Also looking forward to seeing your other blog when it becomes active!


~*

Lydia said...

Angela,
I'm leaving a comment here to thank you for visiting my blog in December. I was surprised when I followed the link and found it was you because I was one of your Eclectic Recovery blog readers. Are you just launching your other blog? I'm unable to leave a comment there at this time.
Great to find you again!
Lydia