So Here's Why

I haven't been around in awhile. For a couple of weeks I just had nothing to say and then my computer went kaput and was out for a week and then when I got it back Blogger wouldn't let me start a new post and time just kept ticking by and by and suddenly it's been almost a month since I wrote!

Thanks to the people who wondered where I was and expressed concern. That is so nice.

It's been a year since I started this blog and it's been a year of learning to let go. From a boss who ambushed me wanting sexual favors and then a few months later laid me off three days after knee surgery to the complete loss of the relationship with the man who brought me to Montana to now the loss of the house I have loved so much, I have been given opportunity after opportunity to surrender to what is, to not hold on to what is being removed and to open myself to the absolute perfection of each and every moment. If not always an "inner yes" I have at least been able to practice an "inner non-resistance" to each situation. I have learned that fighting reality only leads to suffering and I'm just not into that. I have come to know that the loss of things, which are all temporary anyway, or the loss of ideas I've had about myself, open up space for me to realize that which is true, unchangeable and eternal about the nature of reality and all of us human beings - including me. We're all in this together.

Eckhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth" and the teachings in it are the right spiritual tool for me now. I have found absolutely nothing in his teachings that I cannot agree with. For someone who never could quite find her place, in AA, in religion, in life, that's no small deal. Here's what Eckhart says about addiction:

If you have a complusive behavior pattern such as smoking, overeating, drinking, TV watching, internet addiction, or whatever it may be, this is what you can do: When you notice the compulsive need arising in you, stop and take three conscious breaths. This generates awareness. Then for a few minutes be aware of the compulsive urge itself as an energy field inside you. Consciously feel that need to physically or mentally ingest or consume a certain substance or the desire to act out some form of compulsive behavior. Then take a few more conscious breaths. After that you may find that the compulsive urge has disappeared - for the time being. Or you may find that it still overpowers you, and you cannot help but indulge or act it out again. DON'T MAKE IT INTO A PROBLEM. Make the addiction part of your awareness practice in the way described above. As awareness grows, addictive patterns will weaken and eventually dissolve. Remember, however, to catch any thoughts that justify the addictive behavior, sometimes with clever arguments, as they arise in your mind. Ask yourself, Who is talking here? And you will realize that the addiction is talking. As long as you know that, as long as you are present as the observer of your mind, it is less likely to trick you into doing whatever it wants.

Do not make it into a problem. So now it is time for me to let go of the identity I've created of myself as alcoholic/addict or recovering alcoholic/addict. And for that reason, I'm going to close Eclectic Recovery. It's been a fabulous, fun learning process and as the days grow shorter and winter begins to settle in I will most likely be back with another blog. Maybe one about me and the cowboy and kayaking Montana. Maybe one about Eckhart's teachings and how they're affecting my life. Maybe one about how I handle becoming a multi-millionaire and having everything I ever dreamed of. :) One thing is for sure. If you're on that Friends and Neighbors list, you are my friend and I will continue to check in with your blogs and your lives. Next to the self-discovery process, the friends I've made blogging are the best thing about it.

I'd like to leave you with a writing by Mother Teresa called "You and People".

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.